I don't trust him. It's the one of the worst feelings, to not feel like you trust the person you love. And it doesn't matter how many other people I talk to or get advice from, it doesn't make me feel any better about the situation. What would help would be us talking about it, but I gather the feeling that that particular hope of mine will not happen anytime within the following weeks or months. It's been over a week now since I last heard anything from him. I don't know what's going on where. But I guess none of that really matters right now. And I feel so disappointed. About something that I thought would never be a source of disappointment in our relationship, but it is. And it makes me so very sad inside. It's like being stuck in traffic, you don't care which way you get to go as long as you can move in a direction either forward or back the way you came. The point is just to move. And that's what I'd like, to know one way or the other. Either one is preferable at this point in time. I'm not naive enough to think that marrige isn't hard work, I guess I just didn't expect something like this to come up the day after he got on that plane. Sometimes I feel so dumb. All I do right now is put a smile on my face and pretend everything's okay, except when it's not. Oh well, at some point, that will stop and I can really say I'm okay and mean it...just not soon enough. | 
